September 2010


If you follow me on Twitter, you may know that money is a little tight for me right now and I have a real chance of being jobless next year. Not that that makes me special, just joining the ranks of those hit by the current recession a little late.

Last month was a hard one, and despite finding and depositing the money on the day some direct debits were due, my bank bounced them and charged me for the pleasure (apparently you need to do that the day before they were due, but who’s counting).

I wrote them a letter asking that, on this occasion, they waive the charges, otherwise I would be in the same position this month and the cycle would continue. I received their letter of refusal this morning.

This is my reply:

I am in receipt of your letter dated 27 September 2010.

Thank you for your prompt reply. It is good to see that you are committed to helping out your customers when they are in financial difficulties. I joined the Co-Operative as they had a reputation for being an “ethical” bank, clearly this was A Big Mistake™

You will be pleased to know that, as you have refused to waive the charges amounting to £80.00 on this occasion, I will likely be overdrawn again this month, incurring more charges to line your pocket with while I go further and further into debt as the cycle continues.

Once I recover from these current financial difficulties, which will likely be in the year 3452, thanks to your generosity, I shall be switching banks, if indeed banks still exist at that time. Maybe I will just switch chips in my head, either way, I think you get my point.

I hope you get a really super bonus next year, while I lose my job due to government cuts in spending, perhaps you could donate some of it to Shelter, so I have somewhere to live.

For the record, when I contacted you on 7th September, I was not refused a refund, I would have had to ask for a refund in order to be refused one. I merely contacted you to enquire why you had not paid the direct debits when the money was in the bank.

I hope they at least enjoy reading it, if indeed they bother to read it at all.

I’m not very good at writing not-prose. In fact I haven’t done so since I was 14 that I can remember, so that’s about where I’m at emotionally! Seemingly, it allows me to bare my soul without actually, y’know, baring my soul.

So here’s some not-prose I wrote. It’s very raw and personal for me, so I’m not really looking for you to comment on my dodgy rhyming skills or imperfect stanzas.

But if you have the time to read it, and it strikes a chord somewhere, then that’s awesome. And if you recognise it for what it is, the self-indulgent, idle witterings, of a borderline manic-depressive, then that’s awesome too.

Midlife Meltdown

You say it’s hard to believe
I say it’s hard to know
Who do I look to
Where will I go

There’s no one to blame
There’s nowhere to hope
I’m sinking deeper
Struggling to cope

There’s nowhere to turn
There’s nowhere to run
I’m spiralling under
Can’t find my sun

Cos, you care too little
And you care too much
And you’re too blind drunk
To hand me a crutch

The future has gone
It’s lost in the past
How long is all this
Expected to last.

My midlife meltdown
Running out of time
But I just smile now
‘cos I’m still fine.