It’s just hit lunch time on my first full day back in the UK and already it has turned into A Bad Day ™. As I am back galavanting in London Village tomorrow I set my alarm for early o’clock in preparation for a full day. I awoke with the familiar heating hangover that I had managed to forget existed in just two weeks in a country where sometimes the temperature will drop to 18 degrees at night, if you’re lucky. I shook it off, grabbed my wake up coffee and gym kit and sauntered off into the miserable for a work out.

Despite my fave treadmill, the one by the window that opens, being broken, my first workout for two weeks went surprisingly well, swimming is much underrated it would appear.

Next stop was to the Post Office to cash in my remaining Traveller’s Cheques and bit of Egyptian money. No. Nope. Not so fucking simple. Did I buy the Cheques at the post office, the cashier enquired. Why, yes. Yes I did. Do I have my receipt? Being the prepared type, yes I had that too. Oh, you didnt buy your cheques at THIS post office. No. No you got me there, I did not buy my Traveller’s Cheques at this particular post office. Pesky thing about it being no where near my bank where I could draw out the money and you not accepting my bank card to pay with. Oh, well, you have to go change them at the Post Office you bought them at. What? What. The. Fuck. What difference could one branch of a Post Office possibly make? Seriously.

OK then, well can I at least change my money since I’m here and I queued up and all. No. You have to change your money where you bought it. Seriously? I bought it in fucking Egypt, where the Egyptian money lives. Well, if I’m changing my Travellers Cheques where I bought them they might possibly change the money as well if I’m incredibly lucky and the cashier got laid the night before. By Jonny Depp.

Brilliant. The infamous Post Office Where I Bought The Cheques is in town, and no, of course I didn’t bring my bus pass out with me, because, no, I did not think I would need to get on a bus, and no, of course I don’t have any money on me because I thought I would be changing my travellers cheques, and no, I don’t have time to go home and get those things because I have to go shopping and start packing and catch up with all the TV I missed so I don’t get spoiled at the weekend, and finally, no, I can’t get money at the Post Office cos they don’t accept my fucking bank card.

Shopping. Oh yes shopping. The shopping where I totally forgot to bring my Nectar card or shopping bags with me. Bollocks. Oh well, I’ll treat myself to Alice in Wonderland on Blu Ray while I’m there to make for my incredibly shite morning so far. Except, no I won’t, because despite all the placards around the store, and the annoying sticker on the DVDs announcing “Why not treat yourself to the Blu Ray edition”, there is no Blu Ray edition anywhere in the shop, or any of those spotty shop assistants you usually find lurking in dark corners anywhere to be found, the best to be had is Annoying Guy, so desperate to sell me some financial product or another he asked me twice, on separate occasions during the 20 minutes I was in the store.

Then the rain started and my day was complete. Or so I thought, but more was to come. I arrived home to discover that postie had been, and managed to leave one of those nice cards announcing that I was out when he called with a package at 10.20. 10.20? When does postie arrive at 10.20? Never, ever, bloody bleeding ever before 12.00 unless I am out. Tosser.

Clutching my lovely new tea pot I thought I would try some of that calming Bedouin tea I bought in Egypt and sweated over all the way home because it looks alarmingly like weed. Yes, you guessed it, the bag burst open and tipped half of the stuff over the floor. Of course it did, I mean what possible other outcome could there have been?

When I sat down to write this, it had just gone noon. I’m not entirely sure how the day can possibly get worse, but I’m quite sure that life is ingenious enough to find a way. I will no doubt find that the 24 or Glee finale hasn’t recorded fully, or is as disappointing as Lost.

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