The punishment for having a lethargic, indecisive, unproductive day yesterday is that today I have been forced to go to the dreaded supermarket.

Having a general disdain for both shops and people, I avoid these places like the plague and do the majority of my shopping online. Today necessity forced me to this place of torture other people like to call ‘Morrisons’.

I prepared myself for this very special level of hell by plugging headphones into my ears and turning my iPod on loud. Of course, being an organised sort of girl, I had written a nice long list of items that required purchasing. But since many of the items related to recipes I would be cooking, they weren’t particularly in the supermarket’s idea of ‘order’, more the order that I came across the recipe in. When shopping online this matters not a jot, tap the item you require into the handy little shopping list box and up it will pop on the screen despite the fact you have already gone past the relevant aisle.

I found myself wandering around the aisles in an increasing state of bewilderment, frantically scanning the shelves for items on my list. Going backwards and forwards as I realised there was something I needed in the aisle I had just come from. Why, why oh why would canned fruit be in a completely different section to all the other canned goods. Just why? It makes no sense.

Somehow I managed to near the end of my list having most of the items safely stacked away in my trolley when I realised that aubergine was missing. I extricated myself from the cosmetics aisle and forced my way through the flow of oncoming trolley traffic and bemused faces looking at me with wonderment as to why I would possibly be going the wrong way. While we’re on the subject, people with trolleys, do you drive your car in that manner? I suspect not, because if that were the case you would happily be in hospital or your grave instead of leaping out of the bread aisle in front of unsuspecting shoppers with your five children running riot all around you.

With my scanty stores of shopper-patience run dry I arrived back at the fruit and veg aisle only to discover that, try as I might, I couldn’t find in which damp, dark corner they had thought fit to conceal the aubergines. Nor could I find any spotty oik on day release from MacDonald’s to ask, although even if I had I suspect he would just have stared blankly at me when I said the word aubergine.

Now aubergine was one of the main ingredients required in one of the meals I was going to cook, had I been online, this would have not been a problem. I would have just picked out another meal and bought the ingredients for that instead, or most likely just have been able to find aubergine by the ingenious method of searching mentioned above.

Surprisingly I found a relatively empty check out and proceeded to unload my trolley, having done so I stared at the contents displayed across the moving counter with dismay. Damn, blast and buggeration the cat food was no where to be seen. Mainly because I had failed to a) write it on my list, b) remember that I needed some and c) happen across that aisle in my aimless wanderings throughout the store.

Again, my beloved online shopping would have had a solution to the problem, hit ‘continue shopping’, add cat food to the basket and head back to the checkout. In fact, even if I had completed checkout I would have been able to go back and add the missing item providing I did so withing a reasonable time frame before they landed at my door.

Now back at home, having spent £20.00 more than usual because I couldn’t keep a check on my spending as I went along, I do have to wonder, why would anyone put themselves through this on a regular basis and why didn’t I buy any booze?

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